Some people throughout the world are all of sudden experiencing more free time and isolation. For many, this obscure moment in history is also bringing them face to face with one of their greatest fears… their thoughts and emotions. During times of such stress, it is natural for people to notice aspects of their mental and emotional well-being that were easily ignored before. For me, this time of isolation has highlighted some very difficult and ugly emotions. When we are faced with our issues head-on, it’s easy to take one of two paths — we can stuff it in a box, hide it away, and hope to deal with it another day — or we can take the emotions by the horns and deal with them as a matador conquers the bull. Of course, my preference would be to have something in the middle. I would love to be able to stay busy and focus on other things and then deal with one element of my emotions at a time. But isolation has kindly presented me with all of my emotions like a slap in the face. Even though I hate it, I can see the benefit of having to take intentional and extended periods to deal with difficult emotions such as anger, betrayal, grief, and deep sadness.
When I was seven years old, I started having extreme pain and swelling in my right wrist. I had to learn how to do everything left-handed or one-handed. And being the stubborn human I am I was determined to not let this inconvenience my life… but it did affect daily life in many ways. My parents took me to doctor after doctor, x-ray after x-ray, MRIs and bone scans, but no one could figure out what was causing the pain. Three years went by. My pain didn’t decrease but I grew more tolerant of the pain and was able to live with it each day. Even as a child, I grew so accustomed to hurting that I couldn’t even address the extent of my pain anymore. The pain became normal and expected. I adjusted quickly to the symptoms, yet the problem still didn’t go away.
Eventually, a remarkably patient and diligent surgeon discovered the bone tumor. The bone was removed and a bone graph was in place and that’s when my healing truly began… but that’s also when I experienced more pain in my wrist than ever before.
Emotional pain is not much different from my bone tumor. It attacks so many aspects of our daily life. Unlike the bone tumor, the emotional pain has an even greater effect on who we are, how we grow, and how we treat others. Like a slowly growing disease or constant pain, we adjust to the symptoms, ignore the problem, and allow the disease to spread to other aspects of life. It’s easy to become unaware of the disease until it has infected so much of our life that everything is tainted by a build-up of emotional pain.
The problem is that to stop the spread of the disease great pain is required. Healing is not a pleasant process. It takes digging out the bone, or the infection and cutting away at the sensitive nerves and tissues. It is uncomfortable. But just like the intense pain of my wrist surgery allowed me to heal fully and gain movement in my hand, choosing to do “surgery” on our emotional pain by dealing with the root issues will bring freedom. The events or the people that caused our emotional suffering doesn’t go away but our hold on the issues can be released and our hearts can be healed. Freedom from this disease takes time but each supportive friend and family member is a rose and each step of healing is a sweet smell of renewal. The thorns are ever-present but the focus is shifted to that which is beautiful and the hope that is within.
Whereas the comparison of emotional and physical pain brings perspective and understanding, it doesn’t make the process any easier. I will admit that I might rather have another bone tumor than be face to face with my heartbreak right now. Somedays I am not able to shift my focus to the positive elements of healing and I completely despise the process. I want to heal to be fast, quick, easy and LOGICAL. The reality is that each person’s healing is unique but it does take time and intentional work. It is work. It is not natural but necessary for living a life that is not infected and does not infect others with our pain. So as you are social distancing to stop the spread of the Corona Virus, address the roots of the emotions slapping you in the face and stop the spread of hurt in your own life.